Ladybugs 

My hand vacuum sucked them up 

one by one 

from the windowsill next to 

my bed at school and 

right now it feels like im back at your cabin and im ten looking out at ‘mema’s mountain’ eating pancakes on the porch 

the Andy Griffith Show is playing like white noise with grandpa watching from the black recliner we’re looking at lunar moths through the window like they’re luminescent jellyfish in an aquarium but of course like anyone else you knew 

back then that i loved ladybugs 

more than anything in my life 

so thank god you had plenty 

for me to vacuum up with a handheld 

you genuinely thought it’d be fun 

since i loved them so much 

in that way you were 

not unkind just a little ditzy 

so i’d take the vacuum upstairs 

and crawl into the little dusty crevasses 

where you or grandpa couldn’t reach 

and thank god i know now that they were never ladybugs really just asian lady beetles 

that stink and bite and invade 

so i don’t feel bad anymore 

and i can’t help but to think 

i’m back at your cabin 

looking out at that mountain 

when i rage war against the imposters 

with my own little hand vacuum